I grew up in South Georgia, where it was mostly one season — HOT. Because of this, as an adult, I’ve always loved the days leading up to a new season; it doesn’t matter if it is fall, winter, spring, or summer. Each one brings new beauty and new opportunities. Not everyone shares my love for the seasons; many begrudge the coming of winter. Change…
Far too often, I hear people talk about falling in love as if love is similar to tripping and falling into a pit. If you can fall into love then you can fall out of love. This “falling” most people talk about is based on feelings. When a couple first “falls” for each other, the brain releases dopamine which is a feel-good hormone. Your brain…
A sure-fire way to hurt your marriage is to engage in stonewalling. This is the final horseman that Gottman uses as a predictor for divorce. Stonewalling is when we build a wall and refuse to let others inside. We often do this by making comments such as “I don’t want to talk about it; Enough,” or “End of story.” When we cut others off and…
A couple of months ago I began writing about the four horsemen that threaten to destroy marriages according to researcher, John Gottman. Life has been so busy that my good intentions of doing this 4-part series in a month was delayed. The third “horseman” that wants to kill your marriage is defensiveness. We are all guilty of this one. “It’s not my fault.” A wife…
Last month I began to blog about the 4 horsemen that seek to destroy marriages. John Gottman identified the four horsemen and has been able to use his theory to predict divorce among couples he counsels. The first of the horsemen was criticism and you can read more about it by clicking here. The second horseman, and perhaps the most dangerous, is contempt. Contempt is…
“I should have listened to your father when he said you couldn’t cook. You are terrible,” the husband exclaimed as he stormed toward the front door. “All you ever do is sit in your chair and watch TV. You are so lazy,” she said with exasperation. I could go on and on with criticisms that I’ve heard both men and women make about their spouses. …