Still I Will Trust
OK, so I’ve felt like I needed to blog on suffering for some time now, but I keep putting it off. Even now, I don’t really want to write about it but I feel it in my bones that I’m supposed to … so here goes!
Life hurts! There are times in life when the pain is so intense that even breathing seems a chore. I recently heard a preacher talk about life being a gift to be treasured. There have been times in my life when I literally begged God to take me home or for Christ to return so that the pain would end. How can I see life as a gift during such difficult times? Well, I don’t know all the answers (I actually know very few) but I do know that even when I hurt so deeply that the tears cease to flow, leaving me feeling hollow inside that God is there. He is with me in the good and the bad.
I never question God’s presence when life is going well, but as soon as the going gets tough, I’m quick to blame Him and ask why He’s allowing so much junk to happen in my life. Who am I to take the good from God and not the bad? No matter what the circumstances in my life, God is a good God. He is still on the throne, and I can trust Him. I may not “feel” good about things, and I definitely don’t like suffering, but I cling to what I know – God is sovereign and He promises to never leave me or forsake me. When all the world crumbles around me, He is there. When my heart cries out in anguish or my eyes hurt from all the tears, still He is with me.
If you are going through a difficult time, cling to what you know is true about God. I want give you pat answers and tell you things will get better. The truth is, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
My grandmother always reminds me, “God not only knows where you are going, but He also knows what it will take to get you there.” Somehow, some way, God is weaving all of life’s hardships into a beautiful tapestry to display His glory. Sometimes we may not understand why He has chosen the “ugly pieces, those that are tattered and torn from hardship, but He will make something beautiful out of it.
Mandisa wrote a song that describes my heart explicitly. To hear the song, click here.
Even though I hurt, yet will I trust.
Natalie, thanks for your blog/ministry. I can't remember how I found it, but I read it regularly. This post especially speaks to me tonight; I love what your grandmother said.
Millie
I saw your P31shespeaks hashtag on twitter! When I clicked on your link (because I'm trying to get to "know" as many people as possible before I get there!) I saw that you lost your hubby to bipolar disorder.
Wow, I am so very, very sorry to hear that. My heart just went out to you, but I can see the Light of the Lord in you and how He has brought you through.
I am navigating marriage to a bipolar spouse myself. I would be very interested in your story, and in meeting you at She Speaks! My husband of 12 years is bipolar, and has been since he was 16. He has Bipolar I. We also met as missionaries and have one daughter. We've had a few "adventures" of our own and God has seen us through quite a bit. We're still walking this road and it can be bumpy at times, but God is faithful. I would like to invite you to read a little of my story that was posted on Mary De Muth's website recently
http://www.marydemuth.com/2011/05/kimberly-simpkins-thin-place-navigating-mental-illness-in-marriage/
Through that post, I came across this website,
http://www.thebipolarmarriage.com/
The book I am working on for She Speaks is about my marriage and some of the things we've gone through. If you visit my blog, I have some posts pertaining to our marriage as well. I look forward to browsing more of your website and reading how God has worked in your life through this testimony. Blessings to you!!!
Kimberly