Why? This is the million dollar question. If I could answer this questions, I would be a very rich woman because it is the question we all ask…and rarely get answers.
The past two years walking alongside my stepdad, Hershell, as he waited for a liver transplant has led to this question multiple times. Why? Why won’t the doctors give him a transplant? What do you mean he’s not sick enough? Worse….the moment when we were told “He’s too sick and wouldn’t survive a transplant.” Why? Why did you wait so long? This could have been prevented! My heart aches and my mind races.
What do I do in this dark place? I cling to the truth of God’s Word. Earlier this month, I decided to pray Hebrews 12:28-29 over our family. “Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe for our God is a consuming fire.”
When I meditate on this verse, I am reminded that this world is not our home. While my life remains shaken now, there will be a day when my life will be peaceful and nothing we able to shake me. My stepdad, Hershell, is nearing that kingdom. Soon he will pass from death to life. If I believe this, which I do, then let me be grateful. Grateful. How can I be thankful when I see a man I love dearly suffering? I can be grateful because this world is not our home.
I don’t know the answer to why God allowed this, but I do know that in this God has been producing perseverance and endurance in my own life. Living in a time of instant gratification, it has been frustrating beyond belief to know that there was absolutely nothing I could do to get him a liver. There was nothing I could do in the waiting to change our circumstances. The waiting was unbearable at times, and yet we did just that. This journey has been a long, arduous one but just as climbing a mountain produces physical endurance, this sojourn is producing spiritual and emotional endurance.
I think of Jesus’ long, painful journey to the cross. In the end, he said, “It is finished.” I started to write that Hershell, too, will finish his journey soon but in reality, he is only about to begin. He is about to learn what living truly is…in the meantime, we are called to persevere. To keep on keeping on.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds or the next day, but praise God I know the one in control. I know the end of the story is actually the beginning. It is because of this that I can endure not knowing why (lowercase). I press on because I know WHY the king of kings left his perfect kingdom to come to this dreadful world — because of His great love for you and me…He wants us to join him in that kingdom. It is because of this truth that we endure.